Tuesday night, February 1, 1944

My darling sweetheart, 

Just a note to say hello and to tell you how much I love you. Seems I never get tired of that. I never want to, for that matter, and it does help a little - I mean to write it - because while I write, you're as near as you ever will be as long as we're apart. 

Bad news first, maybe not as bad as it could be, but damn irritating, believe me. As I ramble on, in my scribbling sort of way, I regret to say that I haven't received any mail since I last saw you. Darling, you should feel very sorry for me - I feel so blue. If you see spots on this page, you'll known that I've been weeping. On second thought, you won't have to feel quite so miserable, perhaps, no doubt, obviously and stuff like that there, I'll have received a chokeable amount, by the time you read this, that is if you can. And if you can, please don't mess this little outbreak, "I do love you, darling."

Another page to continue on with my woeful tale. Isn't it sad? I don't think anyone could be in any worse a fix than I am. I'm really taking a lot of misery and really can't see how I can continue. I don't think anyone else has the right to feel as sorry for themselves as I have. You believe that, Terry, don't you? Tell me that your heart is bleeding for me, that you feel for me, but you can't reach me. By this time, you must think I'm a terrible story teller, in fact, you might not even believe a word I've been saying about my disheartening situation. You think I'm just saying it so that I'll feel better, don't you? And so, as time goes on, what will the morrow bring? Will it be as nice as it was today, or will it be nicer in a pub than on Tuesday. Consider the source of this fanatic babble, darling, don't break my arm, I'll be a navigator. 

Which reminds me, I met a chap today who, in his innocent way of living, went to West the same years that I went, Steely is the name, you might know him. He's a first looey and has quite a lot behind him. He got in a short time after Pearl Harbor and instructed awhile at a Navigator school in the States. Just think, honey, one of these years I'll be wearing a silver bar just like the one he's wearing. Maybe if I try very hard, I'll make it. Now to go on with my writing. 

Things have been going rather smoothly of late. Not too much to complain about, at least not any more than usual. 

The food is damn good, some of the best I've had since I've been in the Army. That goes a long way. Surprising what a tasteful meal under the belt will do toward looking up at the world. 

The attitude throughout the base is one of independence. However, be that as it  may, the atmosphere created is cheerful and obliging if help is deserved and courtesy is extended. In other words, life here is what one makes it, and I'm making it as comfortable and easy to take as I possibly can. I guess a person can get only what they put out. It evens out somewhere along the line. 

I suppose that by this reading, you will also have read in the papers about all the hell we're giving out. With all the sweating and cursing and things that go with combat, there isn't a more magnificent sight, to compensate for it, than the one we see when the sky is full of planes, planes on their way to what is fast becoming a devastating scene. Don't know why, but I feel as though I belong, that my place in things is as it should be. I don't know, Terry, if I had to stay behind, on the ground, if wouldn't be pleasant. Perhaps it might be that each mission brings me closer to you, nearer the time when we'll be joined, as we should be. Each time I go, each time I come back, is one less toward my tour of duty, and one more gained toward our happy reunion. That won't be so very long, time goes quickly once the job has been started, and it has been started!

I never thought that I'd be looking forward to such a glorious meeting. Darling, I've told you this before, but when we were together in Peoria, when we sat in the restaurant and talked, the mere fact that you were near me, gave me a glow inside. I can't describe it, darling, but it was a tingly feeling, a contented twinge. Much like a cat must feel when it purrs and lounges around. I probably didn't show it as much as I wanted to. Maybe it was the thought of departing, I'll never know. 

Time has passed since then, time that could hold regret, because of our separation, but as time passes, our love grows. Not growing too much, but hopefully, patiently waiting for the eventful day. 

And so, sweetheart, another day has ended, another night has come, and with it a loving recompose of our love in my dreams. Good night, my dear, and until another day, I close with all my love. 

Your adoring sweetheart, 

Jim

I'm enclosing a section of "Stars and Stripes," the official newspaper for men and women in the service who are overseas. It'll give you an idea of what my life is like while I'm on the job. 

Wednesday morning January 26, 1944

Dearest sweetheart, 

Hello Terry, my darling, another message of love and longing for you. The more time that passes while I'm away from you, the more I miss you. That sounds phony, maybe, but only because you mean so much to me. As hard as it may sounds, I find myself hoping upon hope that you miss me as much, even though it would bean a burning feeling that does not at all come under the heading of comfortable. I'm hoping your heart is bleeding, your mind is tormented at night, and your whole being tortured much in the way mine is at the thought of you and I separated. Darling, if that's the case, how much better will be the joining of our hearts and our wonderful reunion at the time of my return!

Terry, I'm trying not to make this letter sound like a romantic miss. I'm trying to tell you that you mean everything to me. That if I were to lose you in any way, it would be like cutting something out of my heart. As if parting from a loved one, never to return. 

Terry, I don't mind telling you that everything I do, everything I'll be doing in the forthcoming months will be for you, for you I say, because the harder I work, the more I burn with the passion, the love for you, the better chance I'll have to come back to you. That's all that worries me, to find you as sweet and loveable as you were when we parted. To find that you still love me as I do you! It worries me only a little because I'm as sure of your love as I am of mine for you, but I wouldn't be human if I didn't think you might forget me, darling, could you say I might be jealous?

You might call it that - but not in the serious stage. I sat that because I trust you under any circumstances. Somehow, I feel that anything you told me would be true, as far as I'm concerned, your word is as good as gold. Feeling this way, I can't help but believe that our love is everlasting now, and there is nothing to make it otherwise in the future. 

Oh Terry, my sweet, I can't begin to tell you how much I love you - you'll never know - and those little dreams I have, dreams dealing in our future, our home, our family - I can't do it during the day, I have to get my mind off it. At night, I fall asleep thinking of my sweetheart, to wake up down hearted to find that she's not really here. Terry, I'm praying for the day when we'll be together. Terry, want me happy, really happy again? Good bye and cheerio, darling - 

All my love forever, 
Jim

Sunday evening, January 16, 1944 "ye olde England"

My own beloved sweetheart,

Another chance to write to my darling, that is, if you'll excuse my miserable attempt at penning. An army cot is not a very comfortable rest for letter writing, but it's a lousy night and I don't feel like walking up to the club through this cold, clammy weather where it would be a little more comfortable.

I haven't heard from you as of yet, darling, but I do expect some sort of mail from you shortly, anxiously waiting to hear from my Terry.

Not to be dealing in melancholy or things pertaining to it - I won't say that I'm feeling low or depressed at our being apart, but that I long for you and am thinking about us constantly, especially now during the lull. It's not that I'm not busy, but what I'm doing now takes all of my being, except that which pertains to you, Terry, at those times where there is nothing to do but fish to swear. In other words, darling, you mean one helluva lot to me, and I have everything to urge me on, everything! And I'm looking forward to the stark of my experiences because the sooner the game will be over, the sooner I'll be back with you again.

Anything can happen darling, and if there is no word from me for a long time, or if there is a report that may sounds a wee bit on the pessimistic side, don't take it too much for granted, darling, take it as it may sound, always the benefit of the doubt to us. And remember that I'll always love you, deeply and without reserve. I admire you for so many things that I don't think there is anything you could say, or think, or do, that could shake my love for you. Only one thing excepted, your love for me - If I lost it - if you stopped loving me -

My time, that is my free time, is evidently spent in monotony, judging from my mode. I'm sorry if I gave this impression sweetheart, it's not wholly true you know. Although there isn't a great deal to be done during my free time, I manage to get some sort of pre-occupation to take up the slack. Of all things, to keep from thinking about you and everything you stand for. I'll have to, I want to admit that the thought of that sweet, darling, girl wanting for me back home just isn't safe. It isn't safe if I want to remain as sane as I've always been. In order to keep from getting any crazier than I am, I have to keep busy. If you feel the way I do, you'll understand what I mean. But there are times, so many times, that I can't keep busy enough, for I do have to sleep, and with those few minutes before, when one first lies in his bed thinking, just thinking, that's where you come in!

I must fall asleep with a smile, couldn't be otherwise, because it always comes out the same, you and I, together and happy beyond control. Here's a prayer that the day will be soon where all our dreams will be under the same room. Good night, darling, need I say more?

Love,

Jim

Sunday afternoon - January 9, 1944

Dearest darling,

This will probably take a long time to reach you, but after this letter arrives, more will follow in closer sequence because I'm going to try to write every day - even if just to say hello to my sweetheart.

You have probably received my letter written about ten days ago. There wasn't much to say in it, that is, not much about my surroundings: however, this letter might be a little more interesting.

I'm censoring my own mail, so I'll have to be careful about what I say.

There's one thing I don't have to be careful about when I write, and that is my longing for you. I miss you so, darling, and the hardest thing about being here is our being apart. It's always the same, my thoughts of you, my dreams about us. They are wonderful, sweet, they seem so real that when I do get back, I'll have to convince myself it's not another dream.

Incidently, baby I haven't told you yet, where I am. It's a small place, this England and I like the people an awful lot. It's difficult to understand them at first, but one gets used to it. I rather enjoy listening to them talk They seem to talk faster and have a different system of tone control. I think it's much more musical the way they talk compared to our method of speech. I also find, from conversations with Englishmen in cafes and pubs (taverns to us), that they're not at all the stiff shirts we pictured them to be. They're regular people alright, and very generous with what little they have.

Their humor is first the way I had imagined it to be. Bob Hope slays us, but it damn near slaughters them. What I mean is, they're very easily made to laugh at what we call cracks, and tears come to their eyes and cramps to their stomach when they hear real worthy cracks. But, as I said, they're very likeable people, and easy to get along with. At least, I've found it so. And I respect them a lot for all they've gone through these five years of war.

Their money system is all screwed up. It took me quite awhile to get used to it, but I finally caught on, not too fast as of yet, but I seem to manage alright. The smallest coin is a half pence, about the same as our penny (1/2 pence = 5/6 cents), The next highest value is the pence, ad it's the largest in size, made of copper. There are 12 pence to a shilling, and this is worth about 20 cents in our money. There is a three pence coin and a six pence coin in between the shilling and the pence. The next highest coin is the two shilling piece, next the half crown or 2 1/2 shilling, next is the 10 shilling note, and next the 20 shilling note which is called the pound. The highest note is the 5 pound note worth $20.17 1/2 in our money. Anything higher than this is written like a check as high as one cares to if he has the money to back it.

Well, I hope I haven't bored you too much, honey, with all this finance. I thought you would be interested in my money problems so I first sounded off. At any rate, hon, enough of that. The weather here is cold and damp, with a drizzling rain most all the time, In fact, I've seen the sun but once since I've been here. There's no snow, and the countryside is as green as our mid-West is in the late spring. It's not as cold as our winters, but the dampness makes it extremely penetrating and quite uncomfortable to say the least. I call it good pneumonia weather, and I feel for those who suffer with rheumatism.

Another thing that is hard to get used to is the black out. When I go to town, it seems very weird not to see any lights on the streets from the windows. On nights of moonlight, it's not too bad, but on dark, wet nights, well, you've heard stories of English fog at night. I swear, you can't see a foot in front of you. I've gotten used to it, and it's not too bad after awhile. That's one of the things I have to admire these people for. They've been putting up with it for a long time. I'd sure like to visit here in peace time, it must be darn nice.

Going back to the English speech. Here are a few sayings they have that may sound odd to you. They did it to me, and you can judge for yourself. A flashlight is a "torch," a tavern is a "pub," a bicycle is a "cycle," a "rotten" is a no good person, to call a girl "cute" here is to accuse her of street walking. And you don't "wake some one up" in the morning, you "knock them up." So you see, darling, there's someone getting knocked up all the time here. This last one is the pay off. When someone says "keep your pecker up," they mean what we would meat if we said, "keep your chin up." The girls in the beginning would tell the boys to keep their peckers up, but since they've found out there's another meaning in the States, they've changed the words around a bit.

One of the fellas asked if they had a napkin in a café one day. Everyone in the place seemed to get a kick out of it. Our napkin is called a "survette" here and their "napkin" is a Kotex. You can imagine why they found something funny in that. These are some of the things in England that a Yank has to get used to. But so far, I have a feeling I'm going to like my stay here.

Darling, when you write, use air mail. It doesn't take much longer than V-mail, and  you can write much easier. It's also a lot easier to read than V-mail. I'm anxiously waiting to hear from you, sweetheart. It has been a long time, in fact, the last word, by mouth or mail, was spoken in Peoria on the 21st of December. Do you remember?

I supposed you have started to write by now. That is if you have received my last letter. I sure hope so, dear, because I never wanted anything more than to have a word from you.

So much for today, Terry, until tomorrow then, so long, or as they here "cheerio."

All my love, your adoring future husband and sweetheart,

Jim

I do love you so very much!

Lt James Brown 0-811540
358th Bomb Squad
303rd Bomb Group

December 12, 1943

Terry Darling,

Hello sweetheart, just a line to say hello to my dearest. I've moved some since last I wrote; I'm at staging now ready to go over. I'm finally on my way, darling, and it's going to seem like such a long time until I see you again. That'll be the toughest part of the whole deal. But I'll always be thinking of you, praying that we'll be near to each other, hoping that I'll be able to come back to you once more.

I've sent the pictures, one for us with all the signatures is on it's way to you to save. I hope you like it, they're really a swell bunch of fellas.

Darling, don't answer this letter until I send you my PO address. I don't think I'll be here very long, and the letter probably never will catch up with me.

I hope you're feeling better, sweet, if not, hurry up and get rid of that flu, will you? For my self, I'm not exactly in the best, a dog gone cold that won't go away, and it seems to give me more trouble than a hang over.

Darling, I read your last letter before I left Dalhart. It was a swell letter, and as for any other woman for me - you can't be beat. Dearest, I love you with all my heart, and I know we'll make a go of it, we two. We'll have one of the happiest, craziest, sweetest marriages any one ever did see. Terry dear, I'll always love you and I never want to feel any other way - -you're the girl for me!

I'm going to leave you now, as much as I hate to, but there's a lot to do tomorrow and my damn eyes are driving me crazy So, until next time, which will be soon, I'll always be with you.

All my love, darling,

Yours forever,

Jim

December 6, 1943

Dearest Terry,

I've been looking through your letters again, and the first one I read was dated Nov 23. That goes back to Thanksgiving. I had a swell dinner that day. I guess that we had everything except our loved ones.

You also mentioned the song "No Love - No Nothing". I heard it for the first time today, and it's really a swell song, at least the lyrics are appropriate for us, aren't they? I feel the same was as the mode indicators, I'm all for it, honey, I just don't feel any other way.

By the way, I received the Birthday Card. It was so damn cute! I got a big kick out of it. Love is grand, darling, and I'm glad I'm in love with you, sweet you, regardless of the torture involved while we're apart. It's worth it, that's what I say, anyone as nice as you, Terry.

I also received the Christmas Message. Oh darling, I do wish I could get home for Christmas, to spend it with you, it would be perfect. And the gifts, darling, they were simply grand. You'll never know how much I'll cherish that little picture of you and your mom and dad. It's really a wonderful gift. And the scarf, darling, is so damn nice. I wore it today and some how I felt that you were near.

All of it was wonderful, sweetheart, you couldn't imagine how much excitement you caused. My pilot got impatient when I didn't open the packages fast enough for him.

The candy and cake are gone already, the wolves were at it. They said to thank you, and they all wanted to meet you. "Did you say she knitted that scarf?" and I said, "yes, how do you like it." They said, "is that her picture?" "By God, Jim, you've always been lucky, look at who you've got waiting for you." "I'd sure like to meet her!" I said "it wouldn't do any good, you couldn't get any place unless over my dead body." And they said "not a bad idea."

I haven't played the record. I'm going to have it played tonight, I'm waiting anxiously to hear it. And when you told me you were in bed with the flu, I must have worried because later something happened that made me think you were desperately ill.

I had an awfully high fever a few days ago. In fact, I've lost all track of things that happened these last few days. All I can remember is that I was home, couldn't wait to see you. But you weren't home, you were in the hospital, and when I went to the hospital, they wouldn't let me see you. They wouldn't let anyone see you. Then I said, "look I love her, she's my wife" but there was no record of our wedding, and it was too bad, but that's how things are. I was going crazy. I couldn't convince them that we were sweethearts, very much in love, that I just had to see you. When I woke up, I was still sweating, not sure that it wasn't true - and then I knew how I would feel if I lost you. It was as if they were pulling my heart out bodily. I couldn't stand to see you slipping away, while I was too far away to see you, to hold you in my arms, to kiss you.

Darling, I love you so. I hope nothing happens to you, but if anything ever does, let me know right away, and if there's any possible way to get home to you, I'll be there, at your side.

I hope you're feeling better now. That damn flu really pulls a person down. You don't know whether you're here or there, and you don't care much.

Darling, when you talk about our happy life together, children and a wonderful home, our love, our hardships and joys, together - it seems so glorious, so beautiful. All the times I thought I was in love, I know I was wrong now. I'll tell you why I know I've never been in love, really in love I mean. When I think of you, I not only think of a woman, a loveable, sweet, adoring person, but I also connect you with all the things so precious in life, things I mentioned alone. Suffering as one, so happy as one, so very much in love with each other. I picture the fights, we're going to have, those little misunderstandings that arise between people so very fond of each other, and then we'd make up again, and every thing would be forgotten, and we'd be happier than we'd ever been. I'd picture our first meeting after I came back, so gloriously happy, looking into each other's eyes, wondering, each of us, whether anything had changed things. Oh, my darling, you're so sweet, don't ever be any other way, stay as wonderful as you are.

I played the record just now, went over to the club and opened up the phonograph, it was swell, really deluxe to hear your voice again. I got such a big kick out of it. To me, you sounded like the sweetest voice in the world. I only regretted that you weren't as near as your voice sounded.

I've got the crew pictures now. Someone just brought them over. I'll be sending them right away. One is for us, that one will be yours. In case I don't get enough envelopes, I'll have to send all pics in one. I'll send them to my mom and I'll label "ours" so you'll know which one to take.



I'm leaving in a few short days. Can't tell you where, but I can tell you that it's in the states. I don't know how long we'll be at our staging station, maybe a week. Maybe more, maybe less, but I'll write as soon as I get there and let you know how things are.

Darling Terry, please forgive me for not writing more often. I know how I feel when I don't hear from you, but I try to make it up by a little longer letter. I know you understand, and I'll try very hard to write more often here after, or break my arm trying,

I'm going to say so long now, sweetheart, and please get better, get rid of that damn flu, and don't go to work until you feel tip top again.

I'll always love you Terry, remember that, won't you? Until next time, I'll be thinking of you always.

Your loving sweetheart,

Always,

Jim

 

November 12, 1943

Terry Darling,

Here it is another Saturday night, which doesn't mean a damn because I've got a schedule to meet at 0100 AM until 0300 and fly tomorrow. I had a helleva time in Amarillo Wednesday. I don't remember much of what happened, but I must of had a hectic time judging from all the razzing I've been getting. I'll learn to stay sober so that I can enjoy some of the messes I get into. Maybe next time I'll try it.

Sweetheart, I never dreamt that a ring could make anyone so excited and happy, but your happiness is mine and I'm so damn glad that you liked it. After all, it wasn't just an ordinary ring, was it? It meant a lot to us, so how can anyone blame us for being so wholly and completely insane with joy.

Terry, darling, whenever I write a letter like I did the last time, ignore the morbid parts, will you? It's the mood one gets into I guess - that's not good. If it weren't for a day of hell raising once in awhile, a fella could very easily be put away for good. This man of yours is not going to be one of them because every chance I get - I'm off on a merry go round and have one helleva time. I don't think I sit still for a minute where there's any time off and there's no flying to do. Believe me, I'm not alone, because the whole gang is out doing the same damn thing. I wished you could be here - baby, we'd really wind up panting because it's a long way around where we'd be going.

I'm sitting here looking at your picture - and I've got all I can do to calm myself. Your loveable smile on those kissable lips just about drives me wild. I can see where it's going to be touch on both of us when we get together. Do you think we'll be able to take it, honey? Frankly, I don't think I will, I'm not Superman and the way I feel, it'll take two men like him to love you the way I want to. Excuse the mistake - see what you do to me?

My mother was about as happy as both of us about our engagement. She thinks the world of you and so does Edith. In fact, they all love you. I hope I get along with your folks as well as you do with mine.

I don't think that will be very hard if they're anything like you. Tell them both that they've got a sweet, loveable, charming daughter, and they have my deepest appreciation for the fact that we met as we did. If it weren't for them, I would never have seen you. Tell them I'm glad they raised you to be such a sweet person - what I would have missed - I hate to think about it.

We ought to thank Helen for getting us together. If it weren't for her, we would still be strangers. Wouldn't that be terrible?

You asked me what I did during my off time. Well, darling, there are a lot of things I do when I have a few hours off. I bowl once in awhile or take in show in town. On the post, I drop in at the officer's club and have a few beers, and sometimes I knock heads with the major and the big boys in a game of poker. They play a mighty close game and I sort of sweat out my winnings.

So far they haven't been able to beat me, not even once, and I've got to be careful from now on because they'll be watching me, I don't much care whether I win a lot of money or not. I get a better kick out of beating the major at his own game. I don't think I ever got a bigger kick out of cards then I did the first game I sat in on. I sand bagged the old boy for well over a hundred on one hand. I had been making foolish mistakes (on purpose of course) all evening, making sure not to go in too deeply, until this one hand. When my chance came, I let him have it with full power on, and he watches me pretty close now. I don't think I'll ever be able to do it again.

Now, darling, don't get the idea that I'm gambling a lot because that's far from true. The only time I sit in is when I've got an early morning assignment, like tomorrow, and then instead of going to bed, I go over to the club and wait up until it's time. Any other time, I'd consider it a waste of time. See what I mean?

On my day off, I go to Amarillo. There, we usually get some medicine, go to a dance or a dive, and wind up in our hotel rooms, usually badly in need of sack time and stop lights. In other words, pretty much lite up and ready to call it a day.

As much as I hate to, I'm going to have to call this a letter. I love you, I love you, I do!

Always,

Jim