At last I've heard from you. Baby, it was wonderful! Two letters dated Jan. 11 and 14th, respectively. I've read them over and over, getting every bit of news out of them. You don't blame me, do you? It's the only thing I've got to remind me of you, to realize that you are still there thinking about the same things I've been thinking about.
That will be the day, our Wedding! Darling, we've got so much to look forward to, and take it from me, I'm looking forward to it! All the joys and utter bliss that is found to exist with two people in love.
Terry, as things are, thinking as we do, loving as we do, waiting, hoping, praying for these wonderful days that we'll be together, will, beyond a doubt, be a little strenuous, putting it lightly. Two busy people, two sleepy people, too much in love to say good night. Nothing, original, but it hits the head on the nail - besides it suits us to a T.
I can guess what Helen and you were talking about. Mighty interesting, and plenty exciting, and something to look forward to.
Darling, those should be happy days - I can't even let myself picture these lest things don't come out the way they should.
Terry, sweetheart, that old feeling has come over me. Darling, I want you so much!
Then we'll have our difficulties which is only natural with two people starting life together. We'll work the out alright, that's something between you and I. We can't lose, not us, and we'll be the two happiest people in the world. I'm sure of that!
I started this letter on the 8th and since then, I've written other letters. It's the 17th today and I'll finish it as long as I've started; the same sentiments prevail so why not?
I don't know why, but I can't seem to write a decent letter anymore. When I start to write to you, I have so many things to tell you, things that I had been thinking of, about us especially, but when I try to put it into words, they don't come out the way I want them to.
I think I'll first ramble on and hope that you will try to understand what I'm trying to say. Incidentally, excuse the hand writing. It's so damp and cold, my hands are stiff and my fingers feel like thumbs. I'm writing this at the club and it's a morning letter of all things. I didn't fly this morning after getting up for it, so as long as I'm up - well, here I am.
I've sent several V-mail letters, you should get them a lot sooner than you get this. And therefore, you'll know that I'm getting your mail regularly now; it's a great thing to hear from you, Terry, it means the difference between knowing you're well and happy and.or wondering if you are all right.
I'm telling you, sweet, you mean so very much to me - I don't ever want to lose you!
I had to leave again to go out and swing the compass on our plane. Holy Christ it was cold. I thought I was going to lose my feet and hands, I couldn't feel them any more.
This is in the afternoon, but I'm bound to finish this letter regardless.
Everything is about the same here. It's no bed of roses, but there are plenty of times to relax, and it's not too bad, especially after we get on the ground. One can laugh at Lady Luck after it's over, it's the sweating that bothers me most, and honey, I really sweat every one of those rides out. I can't relax until we see home again. Then for a cigarette, and nothing could ever taste better. I'm really scared to pieces; in fact, I don't know how I keep on working, but I guess I've got some one helping me, some one I should be better friends with. He's doing something. I know, else how could I keep going back for more?
That's one thing that bothers me, the fear of being afraid, so afraid some time, that I might not be able to perform my duties - I don't want to be a coward!
So far, I've had help from Him, so far, I've been able to keep my head, I pray that I can keep on doing it.
The nurses at one of the hospitals near here gave a dance. Schmid and I went, and had a pretty good time. I had a date, but it seems to me that I danced with her only once. I loved them all, Terry, if you follow me, and had a pretty good time dancing with all of them. They're a bunch of good scouts, those nurses, they've got a pretty tough job, and they get so little for it. I guess they're satisfied though, or they wouldn't do it.
I went to a dance last night. God, it was awful. Those English musicians just don't play on the right beat. It's either too fast or too slow. Besides that I don't enjoy dancing well enough to beat my brains out. With you, it's a different story; with you, it's a little more than just dancing.
Went cycling over the countryside last Sunday. Didn't go very far, didn't see very much - just rode on and on with out any destination - it was fun, at least it was good exercise. I sort of wish you could be here with me, to ride together through England. They countryside is beautiful. Always green, still holding that ancient atmosphere, without the aid of fancy billboards. I know you would enjoy it, and the fact that you were happy would make me happy too, and then we'd both be slap happy, ok for the life of a clown.
I don't know how this letter will sound to you. I can't attempt to flatter myself on this one. The writing is terrible, the spelling is terrific, and the thought is all twisted to hell, it stinks! But please try to d the best you can with it, won't you dearest?
On I go, and a little more about us, and our future together.
There's something I want to get straight right off the bat. The way I look at it, it's a 50-50 deal. I'm not marrying you, nor are you marrying me; we're marrying each other. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I don't think there's any reason for it. I trust you enough to let you do what you want to do, any time you want to do it. I like you as you are, I don't want to change any part of you. This much is obvious. Naturally, I expect the same treatment from you.
This is what I mean, Terry, we'll do our planning together, as one; hell, if we can't do that much we won;'t be very close, will we?
I'll never doubt your wisdom, nor your word. Darling, that's why I love you so much, I guess - I'd trust you with anything, at any time, and I feel that you and I can really make a go of this future now that we'll take it. We'll be as one, together as long as we live with our home, and our family, and our love,
Darling, your letters make me feel so happy - when you mentioned Brownie, Jr. - my heart must have skipped a beat, maybe two. God, be with us and may He bless us with our one big hope - a child.
Terry, what an honest feeling of joy that will be, the day "our" baby is born. I can't begin to realize what happiness we'd have. Incidentally, I don't care whether it's a boy or girl, Let fate decide that much of it. I'll be happy either way.
And when you speak of our home, I assume you mean after this whole mess is over with. That seems so far away, so very far away - and that brings up a point.
When I get through with my tour of operations here in the E.S.O., there is a chance I'll be coming home for a long rest - what happens after that all depends. In other words, I'll be back in the States for quite awhile before I go back on combat duty again. Now mind you, all this depends on how the conditions are over here. Suppose I do come back home for awhile - assume that I'll be in the states for approximately six months to a year.
The question is - will we remain as we are, actually apart; or will we be married then? That's something for us to think about, darling. That's something we can decide when and if I come back as assumed, but again, it's something to think about.
It will mean living wherever I"m stationed, it will mean moving from Milwaukee. It will also mean no "home" (as we pictured it), at least, not until I'm discharged, not until the whole thing is over. But it will mean that we'll be together, living as we should be, as man and wife. We'll work it out. Have to close for now.
I love you with all my heart,
Jim
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