August 14, 1945 V-J Day 11:15 pm

Note: Jim and Terry were wed in August 1944 after he came back from England after D-Day. Terry became pregnant towards the end of 1944 and Jim was subsequently stationed in Mt. Home Idaho while Terry remained in Wisconsin. Terry wrote letters to Jim from June-August 1945 describing her experience with pregnancy, her challenges being away from her new husband and her excitement to start a family and have a home of their own. This is the last letter that was written and describes the events upon the Victory over Japan day - when the war ended.  

My beloved, 

Hello darling! Well, the war is over - finally! Happy Day!!

Got your latest letter today and I imagine you celebrated it in Mt. Home, Idaho, didn't you? I spent the day out at Rosie's. We heard the news at 6:00 pm. 

You're rather all mixed up and excited just what is going to happen to you within the next few months, well so am I. 

Dearest, you go right ahead and sell the car now if you like and get what you can for it. Believe it is the best thing to do now and we might as well get what we can for it. 

Gee, I sure do hope you can get discharged in a way. Will you accept it if you have a chance to get out?

I would just as soon see you out so we can settle down and have our family together. I'm certain you won't have a hard time to get a job. What do you think?

My mom, Rosie and her ma and a lady friend went out to celebrate tonite at 10:00 - I decided to stay home and write you instead. The excitement here in Milwaukee is too much for me to take. Gosh, the people are just going wild. No foolin!

What did you do - celebrate too? If I wasn't in my present condition I would have too - but I find it's just as well I didn't knowing we weren't together for this great event. 

Darling, I love you so so very deeply and miss you awfully much...

...Can you imagine - our baby was "made" in war and will be born in peace. That gives "it" a wonderful start in life, doesn't it? Hope you had a pleasant layover in Denver. But it feels good to be back at Mt. Home again, doesn't it?...

....Just about a month from tomorrow our "baby" will be born. Mom is going to send you a telegram and notify you "the proud father" immediately! Won't that be a day?! I'm happy too!

Well dearest, guess I'll hit the hay now and say nitie nite till I hear from you in a few days. Your ever loving and devoted Po-do. Hugs and kisses by the tons. Be good and careful. With all my heart so long till later. 

Passionately your wife, 

Terry

Note: Iconic photo from August 14, 1945 of celebrations in Times Square, NYC 

Note:Subsequent telegram from Edith (Jim's sister) to Jim announcing the birth of baby boy James Brown in September 1945.  

25 June, 1944 Sunday

Hello my darling wife, 

I hope this little note finds you feeling fine and on the upper side of things. If you aren't, maybe this will raise your morale just a wee bit. 

Now remember darling, what I say here after, in this letter, please don't pin all your hopes on everything. There's always a doubt as to where I'll go and when I'll be going. You see, I'm only going on a supposition.

One thing is certain and is without doubt perfectly safe to tell you and for you to believe in it's every word and that darling is that I'm relieved from combat. I've completed my tour and will be in for a rest whether it be here - or home to you. 

The past part of it is the doubtful part, meaning that I think it will come about, but I want you to be only half sure because I don't want to disappoint you in any way. Can't you see what I mean, darling?

If I do come home, we should count on the last of July as the time. Can you wait that long darling without suffering too much? I ask that because it seems an eternity to me. In a few day's you'll receive a letter from me telling you that I'll be unable to write for a long time. You'll know then that I'm on my way. Let's hope it's the place we've in mind, you and I. 

I was just reading your letter expressing your impression of our meeting, and I want to say something to ease your mind if I can. To sort of annihilate those "rumors" you've been hearing. 

I think I understand how you feel about it, especially having heard these weird stories from someone, who without a doubt has not had a very happy marriage. It's just a guess, but what you heard probably dealt with the man who was definitely a beast in playing his part of life, having no consideration whatsoever for this wife's feelings or desires. It would naturally tend to put doubts in your mind pertaining to your own marriage, and I don't blame you for being on the uncertain side. 

We both have our little fears and we feel uncertain about how we'll click after we're married, but that's something that takes faith in each other. That's part of marriage, my darling, and right now there isn't much we can decide one way or the other. Except, as I said before, that we love each other very much, rather we've felt that way about it for a long time. With that love comes mutual trust and faith, and if those are attained, the rest will work out itself. 

Please, darling, take those rumors you've heard from "unhappy" women and try to forget them, and trust, hope, and believe that the other side of the story can be very beautiful. Ask a woman that you are absolutely sure to be happily married. You probably have heard the other side, but you're still wondering about your own marriage. 

All I can say now is to wait until the time comes, then to trust each other and to help each other as two people were meant to do. To live as one, to enjoy the love we have, equally and together. 

Life itself is so uncertain, and we can only try to live as life was meant, and hope that every thing will work out as we want it to. 

We'll be all right, Terry, it's only a matter of time until our love is fully realized by both of us..And don't you worry about "it"; the most natural thing in the world if not abused. Remember that.  There isn't much else I can say in a letter, is there?

We'll have a long talk when I get back, and please don't worry abut it, easier said than done, I know, but please believe in our love, all of it - everything will be all right!

For now, Terry, the pen has tried it's best to console and to set your mind at ease; what follows we'll have to wait - not too long, I hope!

You have all of my deepest love forever and a day. 

Your future husband, 

Jim

17 June, 1944 Saturday

Terry darling, 

How is my best pal and closest, dearest person that I know? I hope this finds you feeling as low as I am, cause then I'll know that our love is just as strong, if not stronger that it's ever been. Terry, I miss you more today, it seems, that ever before. Each day that goes by just makes my heart a little heavier because I'm not with you. Darling, you do things to me every time I think of the way you talk, the manner in which you laugh, in fact every thing about you makes me tingle. 

It's a hell of a feeling, sweetheart, to love some one like you, and yet to have no chance to express it. Darling, it just struck me now, that if we're going to be as happy when we're married as we're feeling miserable now, if it goes from one extreme to the other, do you think that we'll be able to use up all that happiness? If the laws of nature and naturally of love work that way, then my darling wife, then you and I will share the sweetest most complete life together that any one has ever known. I sincerely, with all my heart and soul, believe every lasting word of that. 

Can't you see, my darling, that you're more than a woman to me, more than a beauty to admire, yes, it goes deeper than that. Terry, you mean everything to me. You're some one to fight all obstacles with together, to trust and to believe in. To live happily as one, sharing all the graces and pleasures, along with the hardships and miseries. Am I making myself clear, the way I feel about you? And darling, this should remove all doubts about our truest, deepest love that we have for each other. I'm yours, and please don't ever forget what I've said. Always together my dearest, through hell and high water perhaps, but we'll be rewarded some day, we believe that, don't we?

You might be interested to know that I have another pretty little ribbon to wear on my tunic. I was awarded toe Distinguished Flying Cross today. I hope it makes you as happy as it does me. It's beautiful, and I hope you'll be able to see it soon, but I know you'll be patient. 

For this time, sweet, I've run out of words. I'll leave you until another day very soon. 

My deepest love to my future wife, 

Jim

14 June, 1944 Wednesday

My beloved sweetheart, 

Hello darling, I hope this finds you as lovely and as sweet as you've always been to me. 

It's been terribly hard lately, that is, thinking of you and wondering when this is going to end. This separation, how long can it go on?

I'm eating my heart out for you every day. I have doubts about whether I can keep from going stark raving mad at the thought of you. Darling, you mean everything to me, and I have the feeling that this is only the beginning. 

I can't write what I feel, that is an impossibility, but I can say that if I didn't have you to hold on to, to give me something to believe in, to trust and to love, my life would become simply a machine, a tool in which to accomplish something that would have no meaning, no feeling, no emotion. 

Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? You mean as much to me as life itself, without reservation, without hesitation, and you can believe that! I hold you above anything darling, and if something ever happened to either of us, believe me it would take a lot of something to go on as I was before, without you. 

How can this be, to cherish someone beyond the conception of life and those who live it? I don't ever hope for you to love me as I love you. 

I know the torture you're going through, the patient waiting and hoping you must be doing, and darling, if you feel like I do about you, the time can't come soon enough to be in each others arms again, oh what a wonderful world this will be then!!

I haven't been doing much that you'd call exciting lately. I've been on detached service in Cambridge, the town of the famous university, for the last few days. It was a morbid dirty, and I won't bore you with the details, but you can guess what they were, nothing else could suggest the word "morbid."

Everything else is about the same, nothing changed. In other words, time has been dragging for me lately, nothing seems interesting after dreaming and thinking of you all night. I'm sweating it out now, and I'd sooner sweat out combat than to be doing practically nothing as I'm doing now. 

I'm writing this in my room, and the lights are bothering my roommates to a point where they can't sleep. Let's give 'em a break and continue our little talk another day very soon. Is all I've got for this time. Good night, my darling - if only you were here now. 

"Terry, for you I'm waiting.
Terry, a vow I'm making. 
For you, forever more, I'm yours"

Sentimental, ain't I? Good nite sweet, 

Jim

10 June, 1944 Saturday

Note: The events described below depict the iconic D-Day on June 6, 1944. 

Dearest Terry, 

When you read this, the invasion will have been heard of far and wide, and you, I know, would have felt the same suspense and expectations as I. 

I don't know how to say it, my darling, but the events of this past week have changed a lot of hopes and plans that I had mustered and have since so vainly put aside. That will be for the present, and for the future, the near future, at least I can not, will not dare to make a guess in actions or results concerning us. 

All I can say, sweetheart, is that we'll have to wait just a trifle longer for our hopes and dreams to materialize. It's not of our choice, not of our desires that we be made to remain apart. That being the situation, we can and will be big about the whole thing. 

I didn't intend to make this sound melodramatic, far from that, because there's nothing I'd like better, nothing I've longed for more fervently than to be with you again, and back with the folks I love. But there's a big "but," as long as there is something to be done over here, and as long as I can contribute to it being done, small as it is, I shall try to accomplish the same. 

Remember, Terry, darling, I'm still alive and still very much eager to stay alive, that's something to think about. And as for my part in coming events, it will undoubtedly be of a more passive nature than it has been in the past. 

So, you see, you won't have to worry your pretty little head off anymore about me, if that'll help any. 

If we both think about the boys down on the beach head, and the missing they must be feeling about now, and those who don't have any more cause to feel anything at all, I'm sure we can endure this so called postponement of ours, and go ahead as before, "grin and bear it."

The time will come when most of this blows over, when we can start our planning again and resume what we started to accomplish, you and I, a short while ago. 

You've probably sensed the extreme confidence and optimism that were bound to come out in my later letters. For this, I am sorry. But as fast moving events have happened since, a bigger thing than you and I, a change had to be made, and I know you'll understand what I've been trying to say. 

I cannot tell you the nature of my new status, and I'm all around hammered in by restrictions of words, but I'll leave the meaning of this letter up to you to interpret. 

Remember now Terry, I'm safe and very much on the live side of things, and I'm leaving it to you over there to stick with it just a little longer. I know you will!!

I'll leave you now darling, for awhile, but never completely, for I do love you so very much!!

Always yours, 

Jim

6 June, 1944 Tuesday

My beloved sweetheart, 

And naturally, the swellest, sweetest person in creation to me. The only one to ever mean so much and be so priceless, that's you, darling!

This is just a little note, Terry, to let you know that I'm still around, and have got all four engines pulling full power. Hoping that this finds you feeling as well and - as happy, happy at the prospects of what the future, the near future may bring. 

I've got some more to add on the list of  "paddle feet." Phil, Brooks and Rhodes are finished up and I'll be one too, after the next one. I'm still sweating blood over it, but it's just another ride, no different than the rest, and soon it'll be over. What a glorious day, baby, what a wonderful feeling that's going to be. 

I guess you can understand now, why I'm so happy; why shouldn't I be with you as the prize?

That's all I can think of lately, you, lovely you. I'm just batting my brains out, merely spinning my wheels, but can I help it?

And I'll keep on thinking of you until that sunny day, I hope it's sunny, but so what if it isn't? It'll be sunny to us, won't it? So why should we worry about it?

I'm going to end this half cocked note; I hope you can make it out. Cheerio, old thing and save your strength, you'll need it when I see you again. 

All of my fondest and deepest love, your future husband and partner, 

Jim

2 June, 1944 Friday

My darling Terry, 

I just got thru reading your latest letters; they were really grand letters! Terry, you're wonderful, that's all I can say. 

I'm glad your doctor decided not to cut around. I had been talking to my flight surgeon about your god awful trouble every time you menstrate, and he told me that after we have our first child, you'd be all right. He didn't say it worked that way every time, but you can wait and see what happens. I guess your doc had the same vein in mind. 

I sure hope I can live up to your doctor's expectations, not counting your's because that remains to be seen. I can't picture anything more fascinating or soul filling than to have our love blended into a good couple, a good team. To get the fullest enjoyment out of life that our hearts can absorb. Two hears beating as one. Darling, doesn't that sound like something out of this world?

I dream, I think, and practically live for the day when we'll begin to realize our fullest love for each other, and experience whole hearted satisfaction in knowing that we do love and care for each other so very much. Terry, with both of us feeling this way, how can we miss having a complete, absolute and perfect marriage? I can't say that I deserve such a girl as you, but I'll try to be a good husband, and I'll always consider myself very lucky to have you as my wife, Terry. There aren't many people like you, no not very many as loveable, as good natured, and easy to get along with as you are. Terry, I'm not trying to flatter you. I mean every word of it, and I don't think I'm wrong - I know I'm not!

Darling, your just so damn sweet that your going to have trouble with me when I get back. Talk about strength, I've got some too. I guess it'll be one big wrestling match to see who can break who's back first. I wonder who'll win? Are you wondering too? I'm thinking it might come out a draw. Say, wouldn't that be swell?

I've got some good news to tell on this end. The "Old Bear" has completed his tour, yes, Fergie is all through for awhile. God be thanked, and God be praised, for some one must have been along with him, some one must have helped! I'm awfully happy for him, did you know it?

Marthemus also finished up, what a grand feeling, believe me - 

Phil and Brooks have 2 to go, Rhodes and I have 3 to go, Smithy has 5, and Moody has 7. Remember when I had 19 to go? It seems like a long time ago, but I've been whittling it down until now I can see a dim light at the end of a dark tunnel. You know, the light that keeps getting larger all the time until, sunshine is seen once more, and you're that ray of sunshine to me. You've become a beautiful reality now, instead of an impossible goal to reach, always reaching out for, but never quite being able to realize that it was time that I could ever see you again. 

I'm talking too fast now, after all, I'm not thru yet, I better be careful. 

Well, darling, would you mind too much if I called this a letter and leave a little for next time?

Hanging all of my deepest love on this line, I close until another day. 

To the nicest girl and the best wife a man could hope to have, kisses and embraces, 

Your future life partner, 

Jim

30 May, 1944 Tuesday

My dearest future wife, 

Hello Terry, how's my darling two weeks from today, or is it less?

Well, whenever you receive this, I hope you're as happy as I am and as much in love with some one as I am with you. 

I'm afraid I still miss you more than ever, and I guess I'll just have to keep right on missing you until I get back. Yes, missing you and longing for that day when we'll be together again - ah me. 

Terry, maybe we won't be as excited as a lot of people are, they who could possibly be! That's cruel, to keep a man and a woman, so much in love, away from each other. 

If you feel like I do about the tremendous distance between us, then you have my deepest sympathy. I know, you feel sorry for me, and I'll feel sorry for you. You hip me and I'll hop you - hip hip. 

I've got good news, honey, we finished up old man Schmid the other day. Yes, he's finished his tour, and he doesn't have to sweat out any more "ops," not for quite awhile at least. Can't you see how happy he must be, and how happy his wife must be, or will be when she seems him again? I sure hope he gets to go home, almost as much as I hope that I do. 

The "old bear" and "Matt" have a big one left, and what a big one it is. Little Jimmy has four to go. Just a rookie, merely starting, and don't think I'm kidding either. 

It won't be long, and if it does take a while longer, who cares? Now but sure, I always say. I hope it's sure, don't you?

If we never did another thing, at least we finished up one member of the crew. 

Well, darling, that's about all for this time, except to say that you're the one for me. The one and only, and what a lucky guy I am to have you as my best girl, who to me is the best there is, barring none. 

That's all baby, here's my love, all your, forever and a day. 

Your future husband, 

Jim

26 May, 1944 Friday

To my darling Terry, 

Hello gorgeous, just another note, more or less, to the swellest girl in this world!

Terry, sweet, and all that sort of ting, I just read your letter of May 18. You've got it as bad as I have. Terry, writing letters to you, telling you, rather trying t tell you, how much you mean to me seems rather hopeless lately. Because the way I feel, the way I've always felt, just can't be put into words. That is, unless I were a poet, and I'm not very good at that. Can't you see what I'm trying to say, Terry? I love you so, I think so much of you. I long for to hold you again so very much, so very, very much!!!

Those pleasant dreams I have of us, and those where we're fighting - they're like nightmares after we fight; and I wake up glad that it's not true. I can't seem to picture us fighting, can you? Maybe it's because I want you so - I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, Terry. Oh, darling, what else can I say to express myself?

I hope you're right about our reunion. Some how, I've got a feeling that I will finish, and I will be back to you, oh what a happy day. Terry, if you feel anything like I do, we simply can't miss it! We're set for each other and I defy anyone to be any happier than we'll be!

I guess we're going to have to postpone our July 4th deal that I mentioned, it's going to take a little longer than I guessed it would be. 

We better set it back about a month or so, let's say Aug. 15h, how's that?

"6" is the magic number to date. I guess you should know what I mean by that. Bigger and bigger, but always closer and closer to you, Terry. 

Oh, Terry, I never thought that I'd miss anyone as much ass I miss you! I didn't think there was anyone in this world that could make me sad because I wasn't with them, anyone to make me long for them so much as you do. 

Darling, hold tight a while longer, and everything will turn out all right, and it scared me when I think of our meeting. I won't be able to cope with it, no fooling, I've got it bad, haven't I?

Whats the use, hell, I can't say what I feel, I'm just writing words, and God knows it doesn't do or say what I feel. 

I'll be writing again soon, so until then I'll say farewell. And remember, I love you deeply without reserve, and that's for always. 

Deepest of love, your future husband, 

Jim

"Always together"

23 May, 1944 Tuesday

My beloved Terry, 

I just read your latest letter, dated May 16. You're not fooling when you say the mail is hitting it's mark rather swiftly. 

Terry, your letter made me feel so good. I had been reading some of your previous letters, and it seems I've been misleading you, without forethought. I guess that's all cleared up by now and "we're in again," so to speak. 

Darling, I love you more than anything or anybody in this world. You should know that by now, and if you ever get any more letters like the ones I've been sending, give me a little leeway, won't you? I've never told you this before, but some times I get a little "off." Now you can believe that or draw your own conclusions, or both. 

So it goes, and so we go. And there you are, and here I am. Terry, maybe we won't make up for it someday, and maybe we will!!!

"7" is the latest dope, slow, and I hope sure from here on in. One of these times it'll be "0." Won't that be the day? A letter tomorrow might bring it down a notch or two, mostly one. 

I'm going to say "To the sweetest girl in this world, you have all of my deepest love." 

"Always together"

Jim

P.S. I made 1 Lt. 

18 May, 1944 Thursday

Hello darling, 

Just a few lines to let you know that everything is still ok. 

I just read your letter of May 9th. Why do I write in such a way to make you feel so troubled? I'm sorry, sweet, if I left you in doubt as to my love for you and worrying you with stuff about my changing. We'll straighten it out when I get home, but before that time, you'll have known from letters before this one, how much I think of you and how much you mean to me!

Darling, Terry, yes you - it's you I'm talking to, don't go worrying your pretty little head off about "us." If I had ever changed my mind about our plans, I would have told you long before this. But I can't blame you, sometimes I've felt the same about your change of mind. 

It's only natural for two people in love to feel in doubt of holding their mates love, especially, and almost exclusively when the two are separated by leading two different modes of life. But let me say here and now, that my love for you has never changed, in fact, it has multiplied itself into an overwhelming urge to be with you!

To hold you again and to laugh and talk together. Incidentally, I guess that answers you're question about how the English girls compare with the U.S. "queens"; at least to a certain girl, and I won't mention any names, but her initials are Terry Roith. 

In other words, Terry, I'm trying to tell you I love you from the bottom of my heart, you mean the world to me, and don't ever forget it - and no more of that worry. 

All of my deepest love, your "future", 

Jim

11 May, 1944 Friday

My Beloved, 

Please excuse the pencil, Terry, darling, I'm down at the club "sweating the boys out" as it were, our crew didn't go today - and  feel in the mood to write to you and no pen to be found. You understand, don't you?

Not much news today, I just want to write about us, even a short note will suffice. 

Only "8" to go, getting near the end. And I'll say in passing that the closer the time draws near, the more I find myself thinking of you and "us." 

At one time, you seemed so far, so very far away. Not in miles, not in time, but in circumstance. 

But now my hopes of finishing, of seeing you again has started to appear. Not as a remote possibility, but as a very real probability. I've always felt confident, but there were always those terrific odds to overcome (let me say again that I'm merely commenting, not bragging, tap on wood). 

Be that as it may, you can readily see what I mean. Ass the time approaches, I don't feel anymore like it was just a dream, just something that couldn't happen, but as something very near and dear and full of hope. 

Do you wonder why - as I crawl into the sack and stay awake just thinking how wonderful you are and how lucky I really am to have you waiting for me - to share together all that is coming to us, and to finally fall asleep, just thinking of you, and do you wonder why I dream of you? It won't be hard to realize the thrill I get "just visualizing you Terry, the swellest girl in the world."

I just received your latest letter dated May 2, and Terry, your feelings for me reminded me so much of the way I feel towards you. The feeling I have for you is of sheer adoration, I have the urge to hug, to squeeze, to embrace as only I don't know how (but I'd try), but always ending up with nothing to do about it. If only you were here now, just to sit here together, just to look at you. 

Now, I've said what I wanted to write, I wanted you to know. But I'm still here, and you're still there - and my God, Terry, I can't keep on writing like this, hard on the constitution, 

So, my little piece of mind is settled now, I've said what I felt, and for today I'll leave you for just a little while. 

Until another time, then, Terry, I'll bid farewell to my sweetheart. 

You have all of my deepest love. 

Your future husband and eternal companion, 

Jim

9 May 1944, Tuesday evening

My darling Terry, 

Just read your latest letters. What a wonderful letter it was. I hope things turn out the way we both want them to. 

I'm getting those snapshots now in your letters. The ones today of you, what do you know, I repeat, "of you,"! Putting it simply, you were terrific, not to count how ravishing you looked, remember - I said putting it simply, I wouldn't know how to put it if I were to extend myself and complicate it just a little. It was good to see you again; knowing the snaps were recent, it sort of made things seem closer, especially my darling. 

I've experienced a similar feeling when I think of the moment we first see each other again. I'll put it this way, I imagine a tingling feeling, a feeling or utter hopelessness, something I've never felt before. I guess if I said I'd be so overjoyed that I'd be afraid of breaking something - that's an idea, might be your ribs, that's not a threat, merely a warning. 

I have wonderful dreams of our meeting, day dreams included. You've been on my mind an awful lot lately. Perhaps the thought of a possible quick return. Whatever it is, it's a good feeling, great to be in love, isn't it?

And don't feel too badly if I'm not home as I predicted. A lot depends on fate you know, and a few months may stand in the way. So far everything is the same as I had said before, but who knows what tomorrow brings?

Maybe if I told you I'm praying hard too, that it might help a little. 

I've got 9 to go, time flies, doesn't it? "If' is a big word, but "if" can mean a lot, especially where were concerned, you and I. If I'm lucky, I'll completed my tour very soon. I'm not bragging, just commenting. 

I received the package you sent. Baby, what a treat that was. It didn't last very long, does that give you a clue? And of course the written paper was what I wanted. Thanks a million, Terry, I certainly appreciate it. 

I've been taking pictures lately. I don't have much time, and the sun isn't always out, but I'm doing my best to get some typical shots. Just every day men in every day tops as it were, doing the same things they'd usually be doing. I hope we'll like'em. So what if we don't - 

I'm terribly tired today, sweet, and I'm going to cut this short. I can't see to think of any more news anyway. The fact that you're my one and only, and I love you very dearly isn't news, so I can think of that. 

So, that's it darling, until the very near future, I'll bid farewell. 

Your future partner, with all my deepest love, 

Jim

Saturday night 29 April, 1944

My darling,

I suppose by this time that you'll be wondering why I haven't written for so long. I just got back from a week in London last mid night and you know how that is, don't you?

I had a wonderful time, sweet, and remember what I said about mixing rest and fun? Well, they don't mix, in other words, I'm all tired out - I doubt I could stand another day of it, believe me! But I'm satisfied that it turned out the way it did.

I saw several plays and musicals. "Lilac Domino" was extremely well produced. Good acting and good music. "Panama Hathe" was painfully humorous, you know the "laugh until one's sides split" variety. I didn't see the screen version, so I can't compare them. "Something for the boys" wasn't too hot. Oh it was good alright, but maybe I was too much impressed by "Strike a New Note" and Sid Fields humorous antics that I had seen a few weeks before.

I've been to one movie in the last month, "A Guy Named Joe," and it was worth it. Spencer Tracy is quite good and same goes for Dunne.

Went out to Chelsea, a part of London that compares with Greenwich Village in N.Y.C. Where all the artists and professional entertainers live. We had a little party and sort of disrupted the making of a movie. I'll tell you how that happened. You see I had known Jack Thomson just about as long as I've been at my present station. He was connected with the picture "Largely for Today" and has been at our base quite a long time.

Anyhow, the party was at Jack's Flat in Chelsea. A few of the cast were there from a picture just starting to be made, "Perfect Strangers." Do you know I was having a hell of a good chat with Robert Donat, Just shooting the old cock and bull stuff, before I realized who he was. Oh, he's a regular guy and it wasn't until the next day when we went out to MGM to see them start the picture, and was then sober, that I realized that one of the boys the "Yanks" go drunk the night before was one of the actors I had admired the most. Incidentally, Donat was not in condition to take that day, hay fever you know, so every thing was postponed for the day.

By the way, Jack, who is assistant something or other, I don't know if he's a director or not, he didn't show up either. What a mess we made of that, but be it as it may, we were treated so damn nice and were made to feel so welcome that I guess we were forgiven after all that. It's surprising to notice what happens when one goes out just to see a friend.

But as nice as it was - I had a good time with a bunch of swell people - a night and a day was about enough of that. You know how it is when you've got seven days to do as you please. There are so many things one wants to do and never does, but has a good time trying - well there were other things to be done and we never did go out again. So much for that.

Terry, I wished so much that you could be with me. So that we could enjoy London, and all it has to offer, together. What I mean, darling, was brought out in something Dick said one day while eating at the Savoy Hotel. He said, "Do you realize, Jim, that we're living, eating, drinking in places famous worldwide. The Strand Palace, the Regent Palace, the Trocadero, and so on (sorry) with French waiters with French menus, (I always have to have them interpreted and it's a nuisance) but wonderful atmosphere and grand music, not saying anything about the food." Oh, Terry, how I wished you were here to share these swell joints. I'd like to visit Germany and France some time, that is, on a pleasure trip after the war. To see how the other half of the world lives. Maybe we will be able to arrange it some time, wouldn't you like that, darling? We can hope, can't we?

I should feel guilty spending all that money, I won't tell you how much, that's a military secret, in other words, I don't know. But when I think of "us," I feel kind of funny, foolish is the word, because it would help a lot later. 

It was selfish of me I know, but I did the things I wanted to do when I wanted to do them. It's over now, I was happy, had a good time, what else can I say? except "Things said can never be reclaimed, things done can never be regained." I hope you understand that Terry, don't think too harshly of me, will you?

Now I'm back to work again, not too largely of course, in fact, just a little worried. I'm starting to sweat them out now, Terry, getting near the end you know - nearer the day when I'll be home again, with everyone I love, especially you. 

18 is the number now, it keeps getting higher and higher, tougher all the time. I guess every one feels the same towards the end of the trail, the last few steps always seem the longest and the hardest. I hope I can keep on "sweating them out" for our sake. 

You mentioned a picture "Tender Comrade" that you liked so much. I haven't seen it, but I know the story. My wish is that it never happens to "us." More for your sake, I really mean that, because I'll never have to suffer, you will. I know how I would feel if a similar situation happened to you. I don't want anything to happen to you, it would be the proverbial straw that broke a back. It would be a heart in our case. I don't like it, the potential suffering, I mean. But that's the price people pay when they become attached, ins't it?

If our hopes were shattered, it would prove overwhelming and have a lasting effect. That's what makes it so difficult, so very difficult. You'll see, darling, my sweet Terry, you might not see the same guy you once knew, oh so long ago, after I come back to you. You might not like me because perhaps I've changed, I don't know. I feel the same, but how can I be sure? How can we be sure that the change, if any, isn't sufficiently great enough to alter things. We can't be sure, can we? It's something that has to be determined, it's something that may or may not matter. We'll wait to see what happens, what say?

Going to cut this short, darling, until another day. 

I do love you so, darling, so very much. In pencil, I'll say it again. You're all I'll ever want in a life long companion and sweetheart. 

Jim

Friday PM 14 April, 1944

My darling, 

Hello Terry, hope this finds my sweetheart in a good state of affairs, in other words, happy and well. 

I had a day off today, meaning that I slept until noon and have been laying around all afternoon, doing absolutely nothing - alright, naught, zero, whatever you want to call it. 

I lost the "Battle of (name of Base)" last night. I really hung on on last sunset until midnight. You know, getting rid of some of the jitters and blowing off some nerves, etc. Didn't help much tho because I feel hangoverish this bright sunny day and that's not a very comfortable feeling. Had a pretty rough one yesterday, but things are though all over, aren't they?

#15 completed and I;m over the hump if I can only hang on to my luck just a little longer, it won't be long dearest, no, not very much longer.  Won't that be a happy day when I can say, "I've completed my tour of operations, darling, and I'll be coming home soon?" Just keep on praying, and I'll do the same, and we'll see what comes of it. Is that roger?

I was awarded another Air Medal, my third now. Wait until you see it, Terry, it's a beautiful piece of work. I was going to send it home, but thought better of it, for two reasons. It might get lost enroute, and what's going to stop me from bringing it home in person?

I'll be leaving for the rest home about the 20th. Won't you envy me then? Golfing, horseback, and things that go with it like a nice bed for instance. I'm going to try to have a good time and get plenty of rest to boot. Do you think that's possible? I'll let you know how the two mix. If I were home with you, I can't see how we could manage, do you? one can't have everything, can one?

At any rate, I'm anxiously looking forward to that, shall we call it a vacation, and believe me when I say that if I were to miss out on it, I would be plenty "blown off" - if you know what I mean, and I think you do. 

Outside of all that, things are the same, gets pretty darn monotonous at times, "Hunting the Heim" is becoming a very weary sort of deal. I hope June will be the end of it for me. Let's make a date for the 4th of July, roger?

And so life goes on in the E.S.O. I ran across a poem, enclosed it hoping you like it. Incidentally, our plane's name is "Skonk Works" and Ferg is the inside man. Finally got her named after all this time. I'll tell you why it took so long when I get home. I can't now, that would be giving away secrets. 

I'm running out of things to say, that is, things about working in particular, so why not talk about something interesting, namely, us?

Darling, my love for you has become a dull pain, seemingly out of this world. I've gotten used to our circumstances, but when I think of our reunion, I have a feeling of happiness, something to hang on to, to look forward to - to make life itself worth living. It's nice to know that you're there, pulling for our side, yours and mine. 

Closing now with all of my deepest love to the sweetest girl I know - to my future wife, 

Jim

25 March, 1944

Hello Darling, 

Just a note to say hello and to tell you that all is well and going smoothly. 

Have been going over quite regularly lately, and haven't had much time for anything else, including sleep. But I caught up again, and I fell just as good as new. 

How've you been? Fine, I hope. You must have a wonderful time with Helen, she's a good egg, isn't she?

I spent another 48 hour pass in London, and had the usual "rest." I had a good time, I usually do when I get away from the base. Darling, it's a relief to get away from all this routine. 

I'm ready for the rest home. I expect to go in about 2 1/2 weeks. I don't know where I'll go, but at least I'll have seven days in which to relax completely. And I'm going to do some high class "resting." I'm going to try to go up to Scotland where everything is peaceful and soothing. Good for the nerves, not that I need it, really I don't. I've been feeling extremely confident lately. 

I was awarded the Air Medal a few weeks ago. Forgot to mention it, sorry. Medals are alright I guess, but getting the crew back home every time is the important thing to me - nothing else. 

Darling, it won't be long now before I'll be heading home again. If my luck holds out, I'll finish up in two more months at the most, but where I'll go, or what I'll do then, I don't know. 

Some go home, others stay here when their tours of operations are over. Let fate decide all of that. 

That's all for today, darling, saying so long with all my deepest love. 

Your future "hubby",

Jim

Sunday night 26 March, 1944

My dearest, 

Just a short note because I'm very tired. But I have to let you know that every thing is still alright. 

Back to the old grind again after a day off (yesterday). God knows how many we'll do next week. When they start going, they don't know when to stop I guess. 

Good news! Ferg got his promotion yesterday. It's now First Lt. Ferguson. We're all happy as he is. He won't say it, but he's mighty proud now that he's wearing those silver bars. He's a good boy, Ferg - I wouldn't want to fly with anyone else. 

The enlisted men will be getting their promotions soon - I'm hoping they will any way. 

As for myself, naturally I'd like it, but it doesn't mean too much to me - not really (I keep telling myself). I'll have to admit that the silver bars would certainly go a long way towards raising my morale. But seriously, if I finish up in one piece, I won't expect anymore. 

I was awarded the Air Medal for the second time, today. That gives me a gold leaf cluster to wear over the other one. As would be expected, I'm proud to war them, but they don't mean much after all is said and over with. Getting back is the real goal!

Until tomorrow my darling, you have all my sincerest love. 

Always, 

Jim

31 March, 1944 Friday

Dearest Terry, 

I had the pleasure of reading about six of your grand letters, which came all at once, while reclining on what is known as my most comfortable "sack."

"Doc" napped me after a mission the other day, stuck his hand to my head, and said "Brownie, old cock, it's to bed for a couple of days for you." So, in my glee, after doing what what do be done, I ambled over to the hospital for, what I considered a happy past-time - a little "sack time."  Not forgetting of course, the double Scotch and a hot batch. Darling, after a few days of "breakfast in bed" and so called, "sleeping 'till noon," I feel great! No other word for it. And the right time, and in thee right mode to write to my sweetheart. 

All said and done, I had a grand time reading your latest letters. They were simply too too!!! And darling, I love you ever so much, ever so many ways, ever so many times a day. To say it, my confidence is up again, and the day that will bring us together is drawing closer, ever closer. 

Right now, the sun in shining (quite rare here you know), and I have to think, "this isn't really England, or is it?" Really very hard to believe, but not at all hard to take. It's put this way, with all this spring fever filled air,, and then my thoughts are wondering on someone I think an awful lot of, that certain person I couldn't help but fall for. 

While w'ere on the subject, how did you get so likeable? So loveable and tempting?

That's a good way to end a letter, how about it? Here's my love, deepest, all of it

Always, 

Jim

Wednesday 5 April, 1944

Hello Sweetheart, 

I just got home from another pass spent in London. I had a fair time, but just as tired from it as is usually the case. Oh, I knock myself out, need a rest now. 

I saw a good musical play, "Strike a New Note," starring Sid Fields, Gracie Field's Brother. He was darn good, and exceedingly versatile, especially in his mastery of the English styles and classes. That would include the modes of speech. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Good singing, and especially good arrangements. I was withing you could have been with me. I should go to the theatre more often, I keep telling myself.

There were several questions asked in the "pile" of letters I found on my bed when I got home. I'll answer a few without giving the question away for security reasons. 

I've got "eleven" so far, it won't be long now before the happy day will be here. The number used to be 25, but has been changed to more. I won't tell you any more,  because I don't want to mislead you, results: disappointment if what I said didn't turn out as expected. So, darling, just hang on, and the time will pass, and with time, my tour of duty draws closer to an end and I'll be nearer to you at the end of each day. Good enough?

Darling, accept my apologies for some of the morbid letters I wrote in the past, it was the frame of mind I was in; one can't always choose the time to write, you've seen the results. 

Might I say, your letters help a lot, they take me away from my immediate surroundings, away from cold reality. 

Therefore, it's only natural that I should write about us and my "good times," to even things up a little. When I don't, and I'll try not to, give me a gentle reminder. Things are never quite as bad as they sound or seem to be. That's what I liked about one of the clippings you sent. What was it? Oh - something like, "Take things as they are, happy they're not worse, hoping they'll be better." 

Maybe those aren't the words I gather, but if there's humor in any trying situation, why not try to find most of it? Some might call it a perverted sense of humor, that is, if the circumstances aren't exactly pleasant, but at least there's health in laughter, any kind of laughter. 

So let's laugh at them all, let's make'em know it! And when the chips are down, we'll wait our turn for the stroke of fate will turn, and we'll ride it high when it does. Then let's all whisper a little prayer, and wait - yes wait and hope for the most of the best there is to come. Let's hope for that much, darling, and we can't go wrong. 

I'm just as thrilled as you are, Terry, at the prospects of our marriage - especially the potentialities of our deepest, most passionate love, our complete happiness as one, our accomplishment of absolute mutual understanding, and last but not least, our will to succeed as man and wife. (Our will as well as our desire to be a happy couple) There's so much to look forward to!

Now the time has come or us to work for another day because this letter is rapidly drawing to a close. 

You have all my deepest love - waiting for you, may it be soon - 

May God Bless You, Darling, and make that wait a little easier. 

"Always together"

Jimmy

Tuesday 21 March, 1944

My Darling, 

Hello Terry, another chance to write, and another so called chat with the sweetest girl in the world. I swear the time skips by and although I've been thinking about you and wanting so much to write to you, there just hasn't been an opening. But of course, I don't have to explain, you understand how it is. 

They've been pushing us hard lately, that is, as far as tie is concerned. I find that sleep becomes a precious thing (get it while you can). Five hours sleep isn't a lot, but after the lull, everything gets caught up, including sleep and letters. That's what I'm doing now. 

Well, darling, my luck is still holding out. I've come back every time naturally, and that's the important thing. If I can do that, enough said. 

I suppose the weather is like a dream, at least will be as you read this/ Oh for some spring fever! Weather as usual here, usually lousy. 

Terry, the latest letter you sent (you won't remember the date), it was wonderful! You spoke of our future, and made it sound so encouraging, so secure. Honey, we'll have it. You hang on there, and I'll do my best here, and the time will be soon. 

As you've probably noticed, I've run out of stationary. It was nice while it lasted, but - Here's a favor you can do for me. Good writing paper can't be had here, will you please send some? The kind I'd like would be the kind you use, you know what I mean now. 

Terry, I'd like to say something that might help at a time of most concern. 

You know we're in this for keeps, it's the big league, and they don't fool around over there. What I'm trying to say is that things do happen that we don't want to happen if we can help it. But if they do, I want you to know this. 

If I'm reported missing, take it as a thought, not as a fact. Remember that if there is any way, I'll find it. Outside of all that, I'm doing what I want to be doing, nothing else would do, and I'm happy in my capacity. I'm proud of the chance, and willing to accept the results, no matter what they be. So, darling, if the situation ever does arise, where everyone I left behind feels the "prop wash," you'll know that it's part of the game we're playing, and that I was prepared and more than willing to take my place, be it as it may. And that the hardest part of the whole thing would be you. Closing now, 

All my deepest love, 

Jim

Wednesday night 8 March, 1944

Hello darling, 

Today when I got my mail a surprise was in store. I've never seen so much mail for any one person. The latest letter from you was dated Feb, 28, took just 10 days. Now that you have my complete and permanent address, your mail will come directly here - no more delay. 

I don't think the picture flatter you, you're much more beautiful than the picture would imply. I'm speaking of the announcement in the Sentinel. They could have done a better job, but be it as it may, it's still a good picture. 

Darling, I like your taste of humor. Please don't stop sending those clippings. I enjoy them a lot, some are darn good. 

About the Waves or Spars - Darling, please don't go joining up with regulations. If I were to come back, I'd want you to be there. Obviously, you couldn't be there if you were in uniform. You asked what I thought about it, now you know, here's hoping you don't. Remember what I said tho, it's up to you - 

I saw "For Whom the Bells Toll" in NYC. I thought it was one of the best, didn't you? Also saw Madam Curie at the Radio City Music Hall and that was pretty good too. 

Naturally, I'm happy to hear about the silver ware and all the other things you've been receiving and making for our future home. If you're as happy as I am about the whole thing, we have not a thing in the world to worry about, no doubt about that now. 

That book you got from Schusters. Did it say anything about how to spend our evenings? Or has Helen supplied that side of it?

You know Terry sweet, I've been talking to a lot of married men about married life in detail, and they're giving me a lot of helpful pointers. They might come in handy some time. 

I understand that the people in the States are "hoping" the war will be over in a year, but aren't "saying" it. There's a lot to be done yet, oh so very much, and as for my predictions - no comment.  Just lets keep on hoping for a short end to Germany, never being quite sure when the finale will present itself. Let's just "hope and pray," and "work and fight" - and the eventual outcome will be ultimate. 

I've enclosed a copy of the Forces paper. All about the first big raid on Big B. All I can say is that we gave'em hell, and will continue to do so in the future. Also take note of the poem, "A Letter Home." I think it is pretty good. 

Say that reminds me, the poem you wrote in one of your letters. You've got it bad, haven't you honey? But I've got it worse because I love you so very much. I thought it was the nicest thing I ever read, it was wonderful. 

What about "The Future Mrs. Jim Brown" on one of your letters. That was nice, so very nice to see. Makes things look so much closer, doesn't it? Terry, you're tops!

That's all for this time; will be more later. All of my deepest love and a flock of kisses to my sweetheart and the sweetest girl in the world. 

Your loving future husband, 

Jim

Sunday night, 5 March, 1955

My darling, 

Hello Terry, how are you; still as lovely as ever? I'm hearing from you regularly now. A wonderful feeling, putting it mildly. 

I just got back from a pass the other day. Spent two days in London town. Plenty of Scotch and I took advantage of the situation. Didn't have to worry about flying, and I really let loose. No hangovers either, it surprised me alright. 

By the time you receive this, you'll know that Bern has been bombed by day light. Our plane had to return alone due to a little trouble, so I can't say I was one of the first. Isn't that terrible, or is it?

We lost Bill Ferri. He couldn't stand the strain, cracked wide open and had to quit. He's a private now and doesn't feel so good about it. He's the last one that I thought would turn yellow, but I've been wrong before. I pray all the time that I won't do the same thing! I couldn't live with myself if I quit, it would do things to me. You can realize that, can't you darling?

This combat is starting to tell one me. We had a party last night with no mission on for today so I soaked myself in plain unadulterated Scotch. I felt pretty rough and got in the fighting mood - today the captain I had words (?) with couldn't figure out what it was all about - neither could I. But we're friends again and all is forgotten. And I'm usually so happy and carefree when I'm on the bleary side. It's good for the something or other, I don't know. 

I'll probably go on a mission tomorrow. That means not so much sleep tonight. Things are tough all over, aren't they?

Darling, I miss you so much. I crave the touch of you and to hear your voice once again. It all seems so far away, so long to wait. When I come back, you'll have a problem on your hands. Will you mind? We'll have a lot to make up for; won't we? Terry, you lovely, loveable little woman, you're in for more loving than any other person would ever want. My wife - I' still can't believe it - it's too good to be true. We'll make them know it, darling, yes, we'll really make them know it when I get back. 

I suppose that you're having snow and cold weather. It's getting near that time when the birds will start singing and the sun will be getting warmer. It's been cold here lately, but today I saw the sun for 15 min in a row. Looks like we'll be getting a little liveable weather here soon too. 

Well, Terry sweet, got to get some sleep so I'll be ready for tomorrow's job. If I'm not too tired, I'll write tomorrow, but if I don't, it will be as soon as I can. 

I'll say so long then. Until next time all my love and loads of affection. 

Your future husband, 

Jim

P.S. I got your kiss, mmm!!

Friday afternoon, February 25, 1944

Darling, 

Hello Terry, just a note to let you know that all is well. I'm sitting in the club this afternoon, just laying around doing nothing but day dreaming, thinking about you, but of course!

I've been grounded since Wednesday due to a little experience I had. Darling, I've found the Caterpillar Club as of the other day I've still got the rip cord handle for a souvenir. 

Here's the story, some of it is interesting, might be worth reading. Here's hoping I don't bore you. 

We were coming back, ready to land, when the pilot called me up to the cockpit. Ferg said, "will have to make a crash landing, go back to the radio room and ask the crew who wants to bail out and who doesn't." I went back and put it up to the crew. I told them just how things stood, and that Ferg would rather have them bail out, mainly because a crash landing is either good, or it's one big puff!! They add decided to join the paratroopers, everything was put in readiness for the ordeal. 

I went back up in the nose to get my chute, and prepared myself for the jump. I checked my chute to look for any flaws and to see that my harness was tight enough. I opened the latch and must have looked out at the empty space for several seconds before I put my hand on the rip chord - then my head went out, the final heave, and I was free of the plane. The prop wash caught me full blast. 

I watched for about four seconds, then I pulled the handle. It opened with a jerk that was over with before I knew it. Terry, it felt good to see the silk, so white and strong, hanging above me. I guess the first thing I felt for was my nuts, they were still there, no harm done, darling, I'm glad of that. 

I looked around to see where I was going to land, it looked pretty good, but I noticed that I was coming in back first. I wanted to see where I would land so I could try to avoid any trees, houses, or fences that I might run into. I tried to turn myself around, but was hung up on that score because I started to swing. I stopped the swinging alright, and tried again to turn myself around. 

The swinging started again, and once more I had to stop it. In the meantime, I hadn't noticed how near the ground I was and was in the middle of turning around for the 3rd time when I landed, on my right side, with a helluva thud, right in the middle of a muddy field. I collapsed my chute to keep from being dragged along. The worst was over, for I was on the ground; how badly was I hurt, if at all? I soon found out when I got up, my right leg gave away. Not knowing whether it was broke or not, I decided to favor it anyway, and took out my compass. I couldn't see any houses, so I let out in one direction, hoping to come to a house or a road soon. I walked for about ten or fifteen minutes until I came to a road. 

I was picked up and taken back to the base, smoking one cigarette after another, sweating out the landing that Ferg was making. I prayed that he'd be alright. If I would have known then that he had made one of the prettiest landings anyone could make, I wouldn't have sweated him out so much. 

The results; the crew are all safe, and it seems I'm the only one hurt. My ankle is sprained and my knee and hip are a little sore. I'm satisfied with as little as that, it was good to be on the ground in one piece. 

The whole jump took about 90 seconds, but it takes longer than that to read up to here. And as a matter of information, when one lands in a chute, he hits the ground at the same speed he would if he jumped from the top of a truck going 20 m.p.h. So you see I'm lucky to have only a sprained ankle. It's a lot better now, and I've argued with Doc Brady since this morning trying to convince him that my leg is well enough to get back into operations again. He finally decided to let me go, so I'm back in the fighting again, starting tomorrow. 

We got our own ship at last, due to the crash - I'll let you know what we name it in the near future. 

Darling, I'm getting a lot of mail from you now. I couldn't ask for anything more. By this time you should be getting mine. 

This is all for today, except that I love you more and more every day. I probably won't have a chance to write tomorrow, but will the first chance I get. A mission kisses and one embrace.

All my love, 

Jim

Tuesday night, February 8, 1944 England

My beloved sweetheart, 

At last I've heard from you. Baby, it was wonderful! Two letters dated Jan. 11 and 14th, respectively. I've read them over and over, getting every bit of news out of them. You don't blame me, do you? It's the only thing I've got to remind me of you, to realize that you are still there thinking about the same things I've been thinking about. 

That will be the day, our Wedding! Darling, we've got so much to look forward to, and take it from me, I'm looking forward to it! All the joys and utter bliss that is found to exist with two people in love. 

Terry, as things are, thinking as we do, loving as we do, waiting, hoping, praying for these wonderful days that we'll be together, will, beyond a doubt, be a little strenuous, putting it lightly. Two busy people, two sleepy people, too much in love to say good night. Nothing, original, but it hits the head on the nail - besides it suits us to a T. 

I can guess what Helen and you were talking about. Mighty interesting, and plenty exciting, and something to look forward to. 

Darling, those should be happy days - I can't even let myself picture these lest things don't come out the way they should. 

Terry, sweetheart, that old feeling has come over me. Darling, I want you so much!

Then we'll have our difficulties which is only natural with two people starting life together. We'll work the out alright, that's something between you and I. We can't lose, not us, and we'll be the two happiest people in the world. I'm sure of that!

I started this letter on the 8th and since then, I've written other letters. It's the 17th today and I'll finish it as long as I've started; the same sentiments prevail so why not?

I don't know why, but I can't seem to write a decent letter anymore. When I start to write to you, I have so many things to tell you, things that I had been thinking of, about us especially, but when I try to put it into words, they don't come out the way I want them to. 

I think I'll first ramble on and hope that you will try to understand what I'm trying to say. Incidentally, excuse the hand writing. It's so damp and cold, my hands are stiff and my fingers feel like thumbs. I'm writing this at the club and it's a morning letter of all things. I didn't fly this morning after getting up for it, so as long as I'm up - well, here I am. 

I've sent several V-mail letters, you should get them a lot sooner than you get this. And therefore, you'll know that I'm getting your mail regularly now; it's a great thing to hear from you, Terry, it means the difference between knowing you're well and happy and.or wondering if you are all right. 

I'm telling you, sweet, you mean so very much to me - I don't ever want to lose you!

I had to leave again to go out and swing the compass on our plane. Holy Christ it was cold. I thought I was going to lose my feet and hands, I couldn't feel them any more. 

This is in the afternoon, but I'm bound to finish this letter regardless. 

Everything is about the same here. It's no bed of roses, but there are plenty of times to relax, and it's not too bad, especially after we get on the ground. One can laugh at Lady Luck after it's over, it's the sweating that bothers me most, and honey, I really sweat every one of those rides out. I can't relax until we see home again. Then for a cigarette, and nothing could ever taste better. I'm really scared to pieces; in fact, I don't know how I keep on working, but I guess I've got some one helping me, some one I should be better friends with. He's doing something. I know, else how could I keep going back for more?

That's one thing that bothers me, the fear of being afraid, so afraid some time, that I might not be able to perform my duties - I don't want to be a coward!

So far, I've had help from Him, so far, I've been able to keep my head, I pray that I can keep on doing it. 

The nurses at one of the hospitals near here gave a dance. Schmid and I went, and had a pretty good time. I had a date, but it seems to me that I danced with her only once. I loved them all, Terry, if you follow me, and had a pretty good time dancing with all of them. They're a bunch of good scouts, those nurses, they've got a pretty tough job, and they get so little for it. I guess they're satisfied though, or they wouldn't do it. 

I went to a dance last night. God, it was awful. Those English musicians just don't play on the right beat. It's either too fast or too slow. Besides that I don't enjoy dancing well enough to beat my brains out. With you, it's a different story; with you, it's a little more than just dancing. 

Went cycling over the countryside last Sunday. Didn't go very far, didn't see very much - just rode on and on with out any destination - it was fun, at least it was good exercise. I sort of wish you could be here with me, to ride together through England. They countryside is beautiful. Always green, still holding that ancient atmosphere, without the aid of fancy billboards. I know you would enjoy it, and the fact that you were happy would make me happy too, and then we'd both be slap happy, ok for the life of a clown. 

I don't know how this letter will sound to you. I can't attempt to flatter myself on this one. The writing is terrible, the spelling is terrific, and the thought is all twisted to hell, it stinks! But please try to d the best you can with it, won't you dearest?

On I go, and a little more about us, and our future together. 

There's something I want to get straight right off the bat. The way I look at it, it's a 50-50 deal. I'm not marrying you, nor are you marrying me; we're marrying each other. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I don't think there's any reason for it.  I trust you enough to let you do what you want to do, any time you want to do it. I like you as you are, I don't want to change any part of you. This much is obvious. Naturally, I expect the same treatment from you. 

This is what I mean, Terry, we'll do our planning together, as one; hell, if we can't do that much we won;'t be very close, will we?

I'll never doubt your wisdom, nor your word. Darling, that's why I love you so much, I guess - I'd trust you with anything, at any time, and I feel that you and I can really make a go of this future now that we'll take it.  We'll be as one, together as long as we live with our home, and our family, and our love, 

Darling, your letters make me feel so happy - when you mentioned Brownie, Jr. - my heart must have skipped a beat, maybe two. God, be with us and may He bless us with our one big hope - a child. 

Terry, what an honest feeling of joy that will be, the day "our" baby is born. I can't begin to realize what happiness we'd have. Incidentally, I don't care whether it's a boy or girl, Let fate decide that much of it. I'll be happy either way. 

And when you speak of our home, I assume you mean after this whole mess is over with. That seems so far away, so very far away - and that brings up a point. 

When I get through with my tour of operations here in the E.S.O., there is a chance I'll be coming home for a long rest - what happens after that all depends. In other words, I'll be back in the States for quite awhile before I go back on combat duty again. Now mind you, all this depends on how the conditions are over here. Suppose I do come back home for awhile - assume that I'll be in the states for approximately six months to a year. 

The question is - will we remain as we are, actually apart; or will we be married then? That's something for us to think about, darling. That's something we can decide when and if I come back as assumed, but again, it's something to think about. 

It will mean living wherever I"m stationed, it will mean moving from Milwaukee. It will also mean no "home" (as we pictured it), at least, not until I'm discharged, not until the whole thing is over. But it will mean that we'll be together, living as we should be, as man and wife. We'll work it out. Have to close for now.

I love you with all my heart, 

Jim

Tuesday night, February 1, 1944

My darling sweetheart, 

Just a note to say hello and to tell you how much I love you. Seems I never get tired of that. I never want to, for that matter, and it does help a little - I mean to write it - because while I write, you're as near as you ever will be as long as we're apart. 

Bad news first, maybe not as bad as it could be, but damn irritating, believe me. As I ramble on, in my scribbling sort of way, I regret to say that I haven't received any mail since I last saw you. Darling, you should feel very sorry for me - I feel so blue. If you see spots on this page, you'll known that I've been weeping. On second thought, you won't have to feel quite so miserable, perhaps, no doubt, obviously and stuff like that there, I'll have received a chokeable amount, by the time you read this, that is if you can. And if you can, please don't mess this little outbreak, "I do love you, darling."

Another page to continue on with my woeful tale. Isn't it sad? I don't think anyone could be in any worse a fix than I am. I'm really taking a lot of misery and really can't see how I can continue. I don't think anyone else has the right to feel as sorry for themselves as I have. You believe that, Terry, don't you? Tell me that your heart is bleeding for me, that you feel for me, but you can't reach me. By this time, you must think I'm a terrible story teller, in fact, you might not even believe a word I've been saying about my disheartening situation. You think I'm just saying it so that I'll feel better, don't you? And so, as time goes on, what will the morrow bring? Will it be as nice as it was today, or will it be nicer in a pub than on Tuesday. Consider the source of this fanatic babble, darling, don't break my arm, I'll be a navigator. 

Which reminds me, I met a chap today who, in his innocent way of living, went to West the same years that I went, Steely is the name, you might know him. He's a first looey and has quite a lot behind him. He got in a short time after Pearl Harbor and instructed awhile at a Navigator school in the States. Just think, honey, one of these years I'll be wearing a silver bar just like the one he's wearing. Maybe if I try very hard, I'll make it. Now to go on with my writing. 

Things have been going rather smoothly of late. Not too much to complain about, at least not any more than usual. 

The food is damn good, some of the best I've had since I've been in the Army. That goes a long way. Surprising what a tasteful meal under the belt will do toward looking up at the world. 

The attitude throughout the base is one of independence. However, be that as it  may, the atmosphere created is cheerful and obliging if help is deserved and courtesy is extended. In other words, life here is what one makes it, and I'm making it as comfortable and easy to take as I possibly can. I guess a person can get only what they put out. It evens out somewhere along the line. 

I suppose that by this reading, you will also have read in the papers about all the hell we're giving out. With all the sweating and cursing and things that go with combat, there isn't a more magnificent sight, to compensate for it, than the one we see when the sky is full of planes, planes on their way to what is fast becoming a devastating scene. Don't know why, but I feel as though I belong, that my place in things is as it should be. I don't know, Terry, if I had to stay behind, on the ground, if wouldn't be pleasant. Perhaps it might be that each mission brings me closer to you, nearer the time when we'll be joined, as we should be. Each time I go, each time I come back, is one less toward my tour of duty, and one more gained toward our happy reunion. That won't be so very long, time goes quickly once the job has been started, and it has been started!

I never thought that I'd be looking forward to such a glorious meeting. Darling, I've told you this before, but when we were together in Peoria, when we sat in the restaurant and talked, the mere fact that you were near me, gave me a glow inside. I can't describe it, darling, but it was a tingly feeling, a contented twinge. Much like a cat must feel when it purrs and lounges around. I probably didn't show it as much as I wanted to. Maybe it was the thought of departing, I'll never know. 

Time has passed since then, time that could hold regret, because of our separation, but as time passes, our love grows. Not growing too much, but hopefully, patiently waiting for the eventful day. 

And so, sweetheart, another day has ended, another night has come, and with it a loving recompose of our love in my dreams. Good night, my dear, and until another day, I close with all my love. 

Your adoring sweetheart, 

Jim

I'm enclosing a section of "Stars and Stripes," the official newspaper for men and women in the service who are overseas. It'll give you an idea of what my life is like while I'm on the job. 

Wednesday morning January 26, 1944

Dearest sweetheart, 

Hello Terry, my darling, another message of love and longing for you. The more time that passes while I'm away from you, the more I miss you. That sounds phony, maybe, but only because you mean so much to me. As hard as it may sounds, I find myself hoping upon hope that you miss me as much, even though it would bean a burning feeling that does not at all come under the heading of comfortable. I'm hoping your heart is bleeding, your mind is tormented at night, and your whole being tortured much in the way mine is at the thought of you and I separated. Darling, if that's the case, how much better will be the joining of our hearts and our wonderful reunion at the time of my return!

Terry, I'm trying not to make this letter sound like a romantic miss. I'm trying to tell you that you mean everything to me. That if I were to lose you in any way, it would be like cutting something out of my heart. As if parting from a loved one, never to return. 

Terry, I don't mind telling you that everything I do, everything I'll be doing in the forthcoming months will be for you, for you I say, because the harder I work, the more I burn with the passion, the love for you, the better chance I'll have to come back to you. That's all that worries me, to find you as sweet and loveable as you were when we parted. To find that you still love me as I do you! It worries me only a little because I'm as sure of your love as I am of mine for you, but I wouldn't be human if I didn't think you might forget me, darling, could you say I might be jealous?

You might call it that - but not in the serious stage. I sat that because I trust you under any circumstances. Somehow, I feel that anything you told me would be true, as far as I'm concerned, your word is as good as gold. Feeling this way, I can't help but believe that our love is everlasting now, and there is nothing to make it otherwise in the future. 

Oh Terry, my sweet, I can't begin to tell you how much I love you - you'll never know - and those little dreams I have, dreams dealing in our future, our home, our family - I can't do it during the day, I have to get my mind off it. At night, I fall asleep thinking of my sweetheart, to wake up down hearted to find that she's not really here. Terry, I'm praying for the day when we'll be together. Terry, want me happy, really happy again? Good bye and cheerio, darling - 

All my love forever, 
Jim

Sunday evening, January 16, 1944 "ye olde England"

My own beloved sweetheart,

Another chance to write to my darling, that is, if you'll excuse my miserable attempt at penning. An army cot is not a very comfortable rest for letter writing, but it's a lousy night and I don't feel like walking up to the club through this cold, clammy weather where it would be a little more comfortable.

I haven't heard from you as of yet, darling, but I do expect some sort of mail from you shortly, anxiously waiting to hear from my Terry.

Not to be dealing in melancholy or things pertaining to it - I won't say that I'm feeling low or depressed at our being apart, but that I long for you and am thinking about us constantly, especially now during the lull. It's not that I'm not busy, but what I'm doing now takes all of my being, except that which pertains to you, Terry, at those times where there is nothing to do but fish to swear. In other words, darling, you mean one helluva lot to me, and I have everything to urge me on, everything! And I'm looking forward to the stark of my experiences because the sooner the game will be over, the sooner I'll be back with you again.

Anything can happen darling, and if there is no word from me for a long time, or if there is a report that may sounds a wee bit on the pessimistic side, don't take it too much for granted, darling, take it as it may sound, always the benefit of the doubt to us. And remember that I'll always love you, deeply and without reserve. I admire you for so many things that I don't think there is anything you could say, or think, or do, that could shake my love for you. Only one thing excepted, your love for me - If I lost it - if you stopped loving me -

My time, that is my free time, is evidently spent in monotony, judging from my mode. I'm sorry if I gave this impression sweetheart, it's not wholly true you know. Although there isn't a great deal to be done during my free time, I manage to get some sort of pre-occupation to take up the slack. Of all things, to keep from thinking about you and everything you stand for. I'll have to, I want to admit that the thought of that sweet, darling, girl wanting for me back home just isn't safe. It isn't safe if I want to remain as sane as I've always been. In order to keep from getting any crazier than I am, I have to keep busy. If you feel the way I do, you'll understand what I mean. But there are times, so many times, that I can't keep busy enough, for I do have to sleep, and with those few minutes before, when one first lies in his bed thinking, just thinking, that's where you come in!

I must fall asleep with a smile, couldn't be otherwise, because it always comes out the same, you and I, together and happy beyond control. Here's a prayer that the day will be soon where all our dreams will be under the same room. Good night, darling, need I say more?

Love,

Jim

Sunday afternoon - January 9, 1944

Dearest darling,

This will probably take a long time to reach you, but after this letter arrives, more will follow in closer sequence because I'm going to try to write every day - even if just to say hello to my sweetheart.

You have probably received my letter written about ten days ago. There wasn't much to say in it, that is, not much about my surroundings: however, this letter might be a little more interesting.

I'm censoring my own mail, so I'll have to be careful about what I say.

There's one thing I don't have to be careful about when I write, and that is my longing for you. I miss you so, darling, and the hardest thing about being here is our being apart. It's always the same, my thoughts of you, my dreams about us. They are wonderful, sweet, they seem so real that when I do get back, I'll have to convince myself it's not another dream.

Incidently, baby I haven't told you yet, where I am. It's a small place, this England and I like the people an awful lot. It's difficult to understand them at first, but one gets used to it. I rather enjoy listening to them talk They seem to talk faster and have a different system of tone control. I think it's much more musical the way they talk compared to our method of speech. I also find, from conversations with Englishmen in cafes and pubs (taverns to us), that they're not at all the stiff shirts we pictured them to be. They're regular people alright, and very generous with what little they have.

Their humor is first the way I had imagined it to be. Bob Hope slays us, but it damn near slaughters them. What I mean is, they're very easily made to laugh at what we call cracks, and tears come to their eyes and cramps to their stomach when they hear real worthy cracks. But, as I said, they're very likeable people, and easy to get along with. At least, I've found it so. And I respect them a lot for all they've gone through these five years of war.

Their money system is all screwed up. It took me quite awhile to get used to it, but I finally caught on, not too fast as of yet, but I seem to manage alright. The smallest coin is a half pence, about the same as our penny (1/2 pence = 5/6 cents), The next highest value is the pence, ad it's the largest in size, made of copper. There are 12 pence to a shilling, and this is worth about 20 cents in our money. There is a three pence coin and a six pence coin in between the shilling and the pence. The next highest coin is the two shilling piece, next the half crown or 2 1/2 shilling, next is the 10 shilling note, and next the 20 shilling note which is called the pound. The highest note is the 5 pound note worth $20.17 1/2 in our money. Anything higher than this is written like a check as high as one cares to if he has the money to back it.

Well, I hope I haven't bored you too much, honey, with all this finance. I thought you would be interested in my money problems so I first sounded off. At any rate, hon, enough of that. The weather here is cold and damp, with a drizzling rain most all the time, In fact, I've seen the sun but once since I've been here. There's no snow, and the countryside is as green as our mid-West is in the late spring. It's not as cold as our winters, but the dampness makes it extremely penetrating and quite uncomfortable to say the least. I call it good pneumonia weather, and I feel for those who suffer with rheumatism.

Another thing that is hard to get used to is the black out. When I go to town, it seems very weird not to see any lights on the streets from the windows. On nights of moonlight, it's not too bad, but on dark, wet nights, well, you've heard stories of English fog at night. I swear, you can't see a foot in front of you. I've gotten used to it, and it's not too bad after awhile. That's one of the things I have to admire these people for. They've been putting up with it for a long time. I'd sure like to visit here in peace time, it must be darn nice.

Going back to the English speech. Here are a few sayings they have that may sound odd to you. They did it to me, and you can judge for yourself. A flashlight is a "torch," a tavern is a "pub," a bicycle is a "cycle," a "rotten" is a no good person, to call a girl "cute" here is to accuse her of street walking. And you don't "wake some one up" in the morning, you "knock them up." So you see, darling, there's someone getting knocked up all the time here. This last one is the pay off. When someone says "keep your pecker up," they mean what we would meat if we said, "keep your chin up." The girls in the beginning would tell the boys to keep their peckers up, but since they've found out there's another meaning in the States, they've changed the words around a bit.

One of the fellas asked if they had a napkin in a café one day. Everyone in the place seemed to get a kick out of it. Our napkin is called a "survette" here and their "napkin" is a Kotex. You can imagine why they found something funny in that. These are some of the things in England that a Yank has to get used to. But so far, I have a feeling I'm going to like my stay here.

Darling, when you write, use air mail. It doesn't take much longer than V-mail, and  you can write much easier. It's also a lot easier to read than V-mail. I'm anxiously waiting to hear from you, sweetheart. It has been a long time, in fact, the last word, by mouth or mail, was spoken in Peoria on the 21st of December. Do you remember?

I supposed you have started to write by now. That is if you have received my last letter. I sure hope so, dear, because I never wanted anything more than to have a word from you.

So much for today, Terry, until tomorrow then, so long, or as they here "cheerio."

All my love, your adoring future husband and sweetheart,

Jim

I do love you so very much!

Lt James Brown 0-811540
358th Bomb Squad
303rd Bomb Group